You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize