The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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