it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
