I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
