Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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