and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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