i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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