You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
