i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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