She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im six kinds of drunk right now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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