Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
