So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm really busy with my period
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