What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
