the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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