Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
