I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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