He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
