God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
