How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
