My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
