I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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