I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
