this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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