Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
