I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
