Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
