How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
