I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i think i just lost a toe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
