I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
