we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
