so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
