he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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