My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
