last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
