the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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