i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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