Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
