I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize