I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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