oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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