I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
