since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
