Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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