I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
