Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
