Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
