She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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