Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
