it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
