The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize