I want to make a zoo with you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
