Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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