ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
