Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize