I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
