you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
