Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
