I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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