My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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