Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
