drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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