Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
