so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
